I can never use enough words, say enough things to explain how sorry I am. Some of you knew about my addiction for years and some not so much, but it doesn't matter if you watched me struggle for years or just a few months, this apology is for everyone who watched me suffer during my addiction. You all watched me choose addiction over love. You all watched me as I ran to the bottle or drugs instead of you.
You watched me drown and struggle in my addiction, when you were right there the whole time. You must of wanted to scream at me (some of you did) "come on we are right her, don't destroy yourself". It's like I ignored all that love that was surrounding me. You were right there loving me the entire time. You watched as I chose the battle over love. I can never explain how sorry I am for that.
It must of been awful watching me struggle, and not being able to do anything. You all watched me drown when all I would have to do is grab one of the many hands reaching to help me and stand up. I'm sorry for the nights you would lose sleep because you were worried sick about me. Praying that I would see the light, that I would give into addiction.
Some of you watched for a very long time wondering if I would ever come back to the me I used to be. I want to thank you for waiting patiently for years and never gave up on me. I am sorry for putting my addiction first. I should of considered not only the damage I was doing to myself but the damage I was doing to my family and friends. I am sorry for the many times you had to let me go make my own choices, yet wanting to do everything to stop me. I am sorry you had to watch me as I slowly destroyed myself. I am sorry for all the destruction and pain my addiction cause everyone in my life. Also, I want to thank you for never walking away.
Thank you for believing I could overcome my addiction. The faith that you had for me really helped me overcome my addiction. Thank you for caring for me when I continued down the road of addiction. Thank you for loving me even when I loved my addiction more.
Thank you for all the times you were there for me. Thank you for giving me hope that I could overcome. Thank you for pushing me to do what I thought was impossible, and most of all thank you for loving me at my worst.
I had to get this off my chest. I love and appreciate everyone who has supported my sobriety. Just know how deeply sorry for putting everyone through hell!
Picture by GettyImages